The Right’s Problem (from a Democrat’s Perspective)

by Lucas Witherspoon

Trump

Unless you’ve been living in a cave for the past few months, you know by now that Donald Trump is officially the Republican presidential nominee, though even if you were living in a cave, you’d probably still have heard his voice resonating within the walls of the cave with the same dulcet tones as a Cheeto-dusted Bifoot. While his being the GOP candidate is a godsend for liberals, it’s left the Right scrambling. At best, most prominent Republican politicians are begrudgingly supporting Trump; at worst, they’re either fervently opposed to him or have spent the past few weeks backtracking their initial denouncements of him.

Essentially, the GOP is a fucking mess.

But, for some reason, they can’t figure out how it got to this point. As a Democrat, let me break it down for you: you pushed for Tea Partiers to be elected into the Senate and had buyer’s remorse once you figured out that almost all of them were bumbling idiots ill-qualified to be participating in politics. The fact a lot of them also happened to be incredibly racist, anti-gay, xenophobic, and misogynistic was just a bonus. Then, after that fiasco, you all tried to regroup in order to “take back the White House,” but your methodology included blatantly disrespecting the sitting President, rezoning voter districts, trying to reimplement discriminatory voting practices, staging government shutdowns, and overall showing the maturity of a toddler combined the erratic lack of self-control akin to the meth addicts on Intervention.

And yet the GOP wonders how Trump became their presidential nominee. It’s because he’s regurgitating the same policies Republicans have been pushing for years, only he lacks the same vocal filter as seasoned legislators. In that sense he’s admirable, because at least his bigotry is flagrant. The GOP is experiencing the runoff of a polluted political party and Trump is the unfortunate anthropomorphic manifestation of that.

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