The Six Types of Guys I’ve Dated

by Lucas Witherspoon

The First
I think most people would agree that your first love will always be special. It’s the first time you experienced the brilliance of love and everything that it entails: passion, distress, completeness, etc., but overall, just love and all that it encompasses. It’s what you strive to find in life, so actually experiencing a deep, impassioned love is almost a privilege. I’ve consistently tried to recreate the feeling, but it’s never worked out. Speaking of which…

The Rebound
After “The First” inevitably comes the rebound. While the rebound was so incredibly cute and had a bigger cock, a good pounding couldn’t cure the damage left by the first, but at least we had a lot of good times in retrospect.

The Twink
As a self-esteem boost, I dated a twink (as I was fucking four other twinks). It lasted a week, which speaks volumes in terms of the seriousness of it. I never considered it a serious relationship, and actually forgot about it until he brought it up a year later, to which my response was a head nod and, “…okay.”

The Sugar Daddy
After the aforementioned dating experiments, I figured it was time to fulfill my interest in dating a sugar daddy (read: someone with lots of cash on hand). It was nice for maybe six months, but eventually I realized that money equals power and that, instead of being equals, I was becoming dependent on said sugar daddy, which didn’t bode well with me. Thus, I broke up with him.

The Control Freak
Even after dating “The Sugar Daddy,” as a submissive person, I relinquished myself to a guy who made a decent salary, but was insanely possessive. Obviously this didn’t sit well with me.

The “Ethnic” Guy
I eventually got so tired of hearing people saying I’m a racist because I don’t date black guys that I finally dated one. My issue has never been with race, I just don’t like ghetto people in general, which spans all races. So, finally, I dated a black guy to prove a point. That lasted for about three months before we both got bored with each other and parted ways, though we still remain fuck buddies. Since then, I’ve dated a Spaniard and two mixed (African-American and Caucasian) guys.