The Case for Singledom

by Lucas Witherspoon

Whenever I explain to someone that I’m “single by choice,” the presumption seems to be that I’ve been fucked over in so many past relationships that I’m now bitter about the concept altogether. The reality is, while I have admittedly had some sour relationships in the past, I’ve concurrently had some really great ones.

My choice to be single springs from the fact that I’m not willing to settle. In the past, I’ve jumped into relationships prematurely just because I felt a little lonely and thought another person would fill that singular void. Based on my past indiscretions, though, I’ve found those relationships generally only made the loneliness worse. It took me a long time to figure out that you have to solve the loneliness within yourself by yourself before you can truly be happy not only as an individual, but also in a relationship. I blame society for espousing the idea that one must be attached to another to attain happiness. Well, no, some of us are perfectly content acknowledging that we are individual entities.

I’m now at a point where I’m completely happy with myself, which makes me ripe for a relationship.

With that being said, I’m a lot to handle. I don’t believe in sexual monogamy (I refuse to adhere to the feudalistic belief that we as humans hold some form of ownership over another human being, when in fact we’re inherently sexual beings not hard-wired for monogamy), I’m an alcohol aficionado, I don’t like cuddling, I’m congenitally emotionally unavailable for the most part, I think the concept of marriage is stupid, and I’m incredibly selfish. All of these attributes seemingly make me a terrible boyfriend candidate, and in the past I’ve tried to change these elements of myself to suit the desires of other people, which in turn only made me miserable. I’ve come to realize that I need someone who will accept these qualities, rather than someone who would expect me to change to suit their expectations.

Aside from that, every time there is a guy I actually have a romantic interest in, I think to myself, “There are an estimated nine million gay men in this country alone. There has to be someone better-suited for me out there.” Maybe that’s my own narcissism, but it’s also a very pragmatic way to look at things. I’m 25. I have much life left to live, many other places to visit, and many more guys to meet; thus is the reason I keep my options open. I find it incredibly depressing when I talk to people who complain that they can’t get a date or don’t have a boyfriend or aren’t married. Why should you feel as though any of those are necessary for happiness? Can’t you just be happy without co-dependence?

To everyone who feels as though they’ve found the love of their life, more power to you. I’m not pessimistic about finding a “special someone,” but I believe when I do find that person, I’ll know, and up until now, that person hasn’t crossed my path, nor do I think it’ll occur anytime soon. Until that happens, I’m very much blissful in my singledom, because I’ve come to revel in my independence, and don’t feel that I need another person to enhance or “complete” me. You enjoy being tied to someone you’ll be fucking for the rest of your life–“the rest of your life” meaning until you absolutely cannot bear them anymore, so another year or two–and I’ll continue enjoying being young, single, and fucking big-dicked guys with eight-packs.